Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Randomize
