Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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