I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
