So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
