1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
