This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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