Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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