Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
