The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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