Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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