her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
