she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
