Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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