Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
