he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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