If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
