like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
