just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You made out with two different species that night
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
