seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
