Your face is a jimmy john
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize