get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize