Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
