Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
