My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
