I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
