a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
