she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
