my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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