can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
