first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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