My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
