i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
