I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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