I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
