just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Shame is for Republicans.
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