At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize