He is such a slut. More and more my type.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
