My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
