my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
