I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
