Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize