This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
