I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
