speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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