I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
