Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize