Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
