Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
