I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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