This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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