I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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