He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
