If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Randomize
