Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize