Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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