1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
