I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize