Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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