Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
