You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I think my vagina is haunted
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You pole danced in your parka.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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