We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
