I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
