Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
