if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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