if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
