I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
