I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We left an ass print on the piano.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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