love makes seman taste better
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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