What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
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