i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize