and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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