**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
