Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(805): View more from California

Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.

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(518): View more from New York

are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.

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(512): View more from Texas

She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."

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(770): View more from Georgia

Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon

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(972): View more from Texas

By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.

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(914): View more from New York

Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.

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(864): View more from South Carolina

I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker

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(315): View more from New York

And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru

(1-315): View more from New York

That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season

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