i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The power of my boobs compel you
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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