i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she told me i tasted like america
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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