your thong is hanging out like whoa
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
