Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Michael Bay diarrhea
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
