Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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