Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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